Not a SIN, NOT AN OBLIGATION... A GIFT

I have been thinking about all the marriages I have seen struggling.  As a Pastor’s wife many people come to me or my husband to discuss or ask for prayer because of marital issues.  I have seen a pattern in the problems… a lack of intimacy!

Dobson has some great articles about marriage and intimacy.   It is sad how this topic is often neglected and overlooked in churches.  I mean let's face it, it is not a comfortable topic, and when are there "PRIVATE" places and time in church to discuss these sensitive things.

Well, I think it is time we educate ourselves and each other!  We are MARRIED WOMEN... we have sex!  This is not a SIN, or an obligation, IT IS A GIFT! 

The problem is, it is like receiving a bicycle as a gift that has not been put together.  That could be overwhelming!  Especially if we do not have tools or someone to help is hold the pieces together as we assemble it. 

Just think of the fun we would have and the health benefits, once that bicycle is assembled! 

Intimacy in marriage is very similar... IT TAKES TIME to figure out how to assemble the pieces and communication is the key!  

Assembling the bicycle has an instruction manual.  You must instruct each other how to assemble yourselves so we can enjoy the benefits of the sweet gift of intimacy! 

I encourage you to read the article by Dr. Dobson so you can begin to understand the difference between men and women! 

Remember intimacy is NOT A SIN, or an obligation... IT IS A GIFT, but you have to work at putting the pieces together! 

http://www.dobsonlibrary.com/resource/article/5e97832b-7b0d-4471-b533-89fe07e3d263?sc=DCTYEGIW

BLESSINGS!

NECESSARY DISCOURAGEMENT

I was supposed to get on a plane to Missoula Montana.  It is not an easy place to get, as there are no direct flights from NY and connecting flight times are extremely limited.  My flight was going to Denver and I would connect to the one and only flight from there into Missoula which was scheduled to leave at 9:13pm and arrive in Montana at 11:08PM.  I came to learn that GOD had a different plan.

Jeremiah 29:11New King James Version (NKJV)

  For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. 

I arrived at the airport in the necessary 2 hour prior to flight time frame.  Immediately things started to spiral in what seemed to be a bad direction.  I was challenged to make choices between FLESH and SPIRIT!  

• Would I give attitude or be agreeable.   

My carry on luggage was considered "too big!" Even though previously measured it fit the criteria when it was empty, once it was filled it bulged out and was considered too large.  SO, offering a quick silent prayer within, I surrendered the bag, (sad to say, NOT before I voiced my opinion) and was on my way to the gate.

When I got to the next check in there was NOT a long line, but people around me were anxious and pushing past each other.  I stood in my spot and realized I needed my ticket at this point, so I put my back pack down on the floor and went in to pull out the boarding pass I had printed.  All the while I couldn't help but notice all the bags going by that were BIGGER then my carry-on that was TOO big! My heart was struggling to choose joy and peace instead of anger and resentment!

The EXTREMELY ANXIOUS MAN behind me immediately moved past me even though it was not our turn.  So again, I am sad to say, once I had my ticket in hand I nicely said "EXCUSE ME!"  I took my spot back which was next in line, I walked past the man and went on my way.  Looking back, there was absolutely NO REASON for me to do that, but something about airports and traveling can really bring out the worst in you!

Psalm 73:26

My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Then it was the dreaded inspection area!  Everyone was FREAKING!  Taking of shoes & belts, looking for bins to place their stuff in, and in the midst of that chaos, the security people were barking directions. Fully aware of my flesh by now I was confident I had it all together.  I even had my little socks out so when I took my shoes off I did not have to walk barefoot on the floor at LaGuardia International airport  where thousands of bare feet had left their germs!  

Ticket still in hand, I placed my backpack in a bin, along with my Ziploc bag filled with my 3.5 ounce bottles of various liquids and my shoes.  I think I may have thought to myself "smooth sailing from here!" Not realizing my phone was in my pocket and I had my jacket on so I didn't have to carry it, the security woman started yelling at me and barking orders!  

Thankfully, because of the two half failed flesh reactions I already had, I was aware of the choices presenting themselves and I was determined to pass with flying colors!  So, even though it frazzled me, I nicely said "oh, sorry," and I went back and put the two items on the conveyer-belt.  Meanwhile, I was anxious because my bags had gone way up ahead of me and people were flying past me.  

Psalm 56:3

Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.

Psalm 3:6

I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people Who have set themselves against me all around.

 Once I got through security gate I gathered all my items but before I moved on, I took the time to collect myself.  I took a DEEP breath, put my shoes on, and realized MY TICKET WAS GONE! 

Determined not going to go back to the SCREAMING lady, I surveyed a group of security people, prayed for discernment and  picked the friendliest face out of the crowd.  GOD WAS FAITHFUL, because indeed I picked the helpful person who was willing to go back through the gate for me and he found my pass lying on the ground! 

Psalm 46:1

  God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble.

  All this in just the few minutes I was in the  airport.  From the curb where my husband dropped me off to this point only 15 or 20 minutes had passed.  I thought to myself, "Ah, I am in SMOOTH SAILING FROM HERE! Now I can go find a seat and wait to board the plane."  

Little did I know there was more to learn, more challenges to face and NECESSARY DISAPPOINTMENT waiting for me ahead!  After trying for weeks to plan this trip and years hoping to take this trip, I had to first accept the fact that my husband could not go with me and then after 8 hours of delays I had to accept the fact that this trip was NOT GOING TO TAKE PLACE!  I was NOT GOING TO MONTANA!  I needed to call my husband and ask him to drive over an hour back to the airport and take me home! 

 

I can not tell you how disappointed I was but I'd like to paint a picture.  I felt like a child does when their balloon gets away from them at the zoo... They're already exhausted from the loooong day and then the only thing they have to hold onto, to remember the fun, joy and excitement the day held just goes up into the sky without them!!

Sounds dramatic doesn't it? But emotion is dramatic! It comes over you like a storm sometimes... I found myself crying even though my logic and my faith were saying, everything happens for a reason and there will be another time... This feeling of being disappointed made me even more sad because I thought I was lacking faith and trust... But then I remembered that JESUS WEPT.  

John 11:35

Jesus wept.

Of course for a much greater reason, but when he called Lazarus out of the tomb MAYBE His tears were that of disappointment.  Lazarus was in GLORY and now he had to come back to fallen earth...

As my heart was getting anxious and filling with sadness I had to practice reminding myself to:

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. (‭I Thessalonians‬ ‭5‬:‭16-18‬ NKJV)

Boy, nothing like a little trial to help you practice faith.  So I had to surrender the disappointment and the sorrow and ask The Lord to:

Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting. (‭Psalms‬ ‭139‬:‭23-24‬ NKJV)

Oh how I long to be the Christian 

• who never doubts God's plan
• who walks in the way of righteousnes
• who trusts in the midst of storms
• who accepts without question whatever comes my way.  

Not just when I don't have a choice, because I can't make a plane fly, but when I have a choice.

• The choice to show kindness or be gentle when I am offended. 
• The choice to move forward in-spite of fear.  
•  The choice to seek The Lord instead of try to figure thing out myself! 
• The choice to be patient when I need to wait or patient with others when they try me. 
• The choice to surrender instead of grapple to hold onto something not meant for me!

OH HOW I NEED JESUS! 

Psalm 18:32

It is God who arms me with strength, And makes my way perfect.

Oh how I need the HOLY SPIRIT to daily fill me and make me able to bring Him glory through my actions, my words, my life! 

Luke 12:12

For the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say.”

John 14:26

But the Helper, the HolySpirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you.

Well, as of right now I feel like I've learned so much about myself and who God wants me to be through this little bump in my road of life.  Of course I realize there are bigger and harder bumps, but in the midst of this little bump, in the midst of my NECESSARY DISAPPOINTMENT, I was able to see God's hand shaping and molding me.  I was able to see the many opportunities He presented to me in that crowded airport to meet and in some ways minister to people.  Strangers to me, but HEARTS HE KNOWS ALL TOO WELL!

As I sat waiting for what I thought would be an amazing journey, to a beautiful part of this country, to spend time with equally amazing and beautiful people, I was on the journey God had planned for me and I was as far as I was going to get that day.  As I sat crocheting a blanket I was working on,  an older man sat next to me and said "Just so you know, I am an extra large!" I chucked and said "what I am making is a blanket and it is one size fits all!" 

My heart felt something about this man who was a complete stranger.   A feeling about him said he had a hard life and he needed care, encouragement, guidance and ultimately JESUS!  He wanted to chat so I engaged him in conversation.  I AM ALWAYS UP FOR CHATTING!  He was in town for his son's wedding, and he shared that on the flight into NY his medicine was missing from his suitcase when he got it from the luggage area.  Being concerned I asked if he was okay thinking it was something he needed daily like heart medication or insulin.  He told me he was concerned because it was in bottles with his name on them and it could be sold on the street!  

I realized at that moment why the Lord sat him next to me, it was pain medication.  He informed me that he only took it as needed.  I felt the Lord put it on my heart to say  "Maybe the Lord wants you to know you don't need that anymore!"  

After many announcements declaring all the reasons for delays such as: 

• waiting for the arrival
• clearing the plane
• lights on the panel
• waiting for mechanics
•  determining the problem
• needing a part to fix the problem
•  

The hours were passing in 40 minute increments between announcements!  During this time the same gentleman and another young college student were intermittently chatting with me.  He began saying how he wished he had some of the beverages he had enjoyed at the wedding. The young lady found this funny but I on the other-hand felt a need to share truth in a non-judgmental way.  Not just for him but the young lady as well.  I mentioned that drinking would not make our wait any shorter and told them I had never seen drinking bring anything good to any situation.   

 

The College girl shook her head in agreement and said it was true!  I explained my opinion by saying it either fakes people into thinking a situation is better than it actually is by masking reality or makes people aggressive.  My experience with people who use so called "beverages" to enhance a good time, or camouflage a hard time end up, making a fool of themselves, or making a mess of their lives. They either do things they regret or have things done to them they wish never happened!  I ended by pointing out the facts.  Ultimately you end up face down in the toilet, and hungover but the situation stays the same.  The college student again shook her head and agreed saying, its true but the man said "Uh-OH" 

 

He was obviously convicted and felt a need to tell me that he hasn't had a drink in years!  He tried to explain that the wedding was the only reason he even decided to have a drink in the first place.  Not wanting to make him feel condemned as I could sense his conviction, I said the wedding must have been nice and I asked him where it took place. This is when I realized GOD WANTED ME TO MEET THIS MAN!  

 

My husband married a couple this past Saturday in Brooklyn and this man's son was married in Brooklyn too, AT THE SAME PLACE!  I actually had pictures on my phone of the venue to show him and we laughed about being in the same place at the same time twice in two days!

I see this blog is already longer than I anticipated so I won't give you anymore details of this long day, but there were several other GOD APPOINTED interactions!   However, I will end by saying sometimes DISCOURAGEMENT is NECESSARY!  

When we put on the mind of Christ, and we seek Him in the midst of discouragement, we will have the eyes to see HIS HAND AT WORK!

• ONLY THEN will we be open to learning whatever HE can teach us at that time.

• ONLY THEN will we yield ourselves to be used.
• ONLY THEN will we find Peace in the midst of the situation.
• ONLY THEN will we accept our human emotions as feelings but our actions that follow as choices we can control.
• ONLY THEN can we be honest with ourselves and recognize where we have fallen short, confess it and MOVE ON!
• ONLY THEN can we welcome discouragement as painful as it may be and realize that IT WAS INDEED NECESSARY! 

The PRESENT fades...

By now most people have heard the phrase yesterday is gone, tomorrow may never come, but TODAY is a gift, that is why they call it THE PRESENT. In recent years I have become more and more aware of how fleeting life truly is.

whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. (James 4:14 NKJV)

As I have lost very dear loved ones, I have held the hand of many grieving friends, and I have prayed for people I have never met who are battling, or who love someone who is battling the BEAST, known as cancer.

I have so many thoughts running through my head and the only way to sort them out sometime's is to write them down and replace them with God's truth.

Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. (Colossians 3:2 NKJV)

Especially when the thoughts are negative in nature. If one doesn't analyze their thought properly, it would be easy to fall into the pit of negativity where hopelessness and despair RULE the air.

We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; (2 Corinthians 4:8 NKJV)

As long as our mind is on TRUTH we will not be in despair. This is an easy truth to remind each other of, however, it's not where our mind goes naturally when hard things challenge us.

This week there have been a few challenges. Earlier this year I was electronically introduced to a 15 year old young man. After seeing a doctor for what they thought was strep, he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I have followed him and his family since then and I am blown away! The example of faith, the example of surrender, and the example of peace have been more than moving! Yet, my heart was overwhelmed for his parents, his younger brother and his community. Trey was a strong healthy athletic young man who loved the Lord and had a REAL relationship with God. How could this happen to him and WHY? He is with the Lord now, healed forevermore! One day I will meet him face to face and he will know his life touched mine.

Next there is a friend's wife. A WARRIOR who battled the beast years ago, to become cancer survivor. The mother of three precious children, a school teacher who had a very gentle way about her. I only met her a handful of times but I knew right off that she was a gentle caregiver, who loved and adored her children. Last year she was re-diagnosed. Only this time, the beast knew how hard she would fight and it didn't hold back. She fought hard to the very end and although the battle is over, the affects of this war are devastating.

Looking into the eyes of heartache was the most emotionally painful thing I've ever done. I watched as her husband greeted hundreds of visitors one by one. He managed to crack a smile through his pain from time to time as some visitors tried to smile through tears. His two sons shook hands and hugged each person that came to pay their respects, but his daughter was the epitome of heartache. Looking at her face was unbearable, as it was impossible not to enter into her pain. She went through the motions of embracing each guest, some her own friends and some people who knew her mom. She was a perfect combination of strength and weakness. I imagine she would have been happy to curl up in a ball and weep her eyes out but she stood there honoring her mom. Again I ask, why did the cancer have to come back after so many years of remission, why are there two more sons and a daughter without a mom, and why is a man without his best friend & partner for life.

Last but certainly not least there is a new beast in town, known as ALS (Lou Gherig's disease) one of our dearest friends has been diagnosed with this horrendous disease. It has taken away his ability to swallow, and he can not eat, drink or speak. As it is progressing, holding up his own head is a tremendous chore. Walking, carrying anything as small as a can of ensure or getting up and down stairs is exhausting. Communication is still possible with the help of an Ipad keyboard. Eventually, our friend will not be able to use his hand, arms or legs. It is unfathomable to imagine him trapped in his body... And again I want to ask, WHY? Why after 9 months of marriage, why after the purchase of a new home, why...

Then in the midst of the guilt of why's, TRUTH BEGAN TO SHINE...

For who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has become His counselor? (Romans 11:34 NKJV)

I will never understand the mind of God... I will never be able to tell Him I know what's best.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:9 NKJV)

Then it occurred to me, I was asking why, and the ones carrying these heavy burdens were not! How can this be, Lord? Why aren't they asking, why?

They are practicing one thing in common... Setting their mind on things above, not on things on the earth. (Colossians 3:2 NKJV)

How can it be that they have PEACE, facing pain, facing illness, facing death?

For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. (Romans 8:6 NKJV

Through these horrible situations, I have learned what faith is and what it is not! I have seen FAITH in action.

Faith is not lying to self or others saying, "it's all good" when clearly it IS NOT Good!

Faith is not proclaiming something does not exist when it very obviously does.

Faith is not BELIEVING IN YOUR DESIRED OUTCOME, as much as it is in accepting its reality and maintaining FAITH inspite of: challenges, hardships, disappointments, or pain.

Faith is realizing that the present fades for everyone!

FAITH is believing GOD for strength to endure, even when you think you can't go on. It's knowing that no matter what, you are not forgotten, you are not alone, you were chosen, and you are HIS!

Proven Fact

The title of this blog is The Mouth Speaks... it is referencing a verse from the bible. Matthew 12:34 says "For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks."  Jesus at that time was talking to the pharisees but still this is true for us today.  What pours out of us is ULTIMATELY what is in us! Angry bloggers who bash groups of people, ideas etc. are generally ANGRY PEOPLE!  I guess that is why I have not written in the blog for so long... MY HEART HAS BEEN SLEEPING!  It has been EMPTY!  Nothing to share that is worth sharing.  Don't get me wrong I am a total chatter box and I ALWAYS have something to say, however taking the next few verses into consideration I am glad I have not blogged just to be an active blogger. You see, verses 36 &37 of Matthew 12 go on to say "every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgement. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned."   WOW!  that is challenging to meditate on.  How many "IDLE" words do I speak daily... weekly... monthly... and yearly!  

My heart for this blog from the onset was to share my heart... but only my heart for GOD.  Not my flesh heart that desires to complain about this or that, instead of thankfulness... Not my negative heart that is focused on the broken things of the world instead of the beauty created by GOD!  Not my fearful heart that is AFRAID of change, of failing, of what tomorrow may bring, instead of TRUSTING in the ONE who has the plan!  Not my disorganized, lazy, unforgiving heart, instead of the HEART GOD IS CREATING, or at least the one HE desires to create in me. The heart that CAN DO ALL THINGS through HIM because HE IS MY STRENGTH!

My desire for this BLOG is to share a transformation, as GOD continually is changing, transforming, developing and filling my heart with MORE and MORE of HIM! 

It is a PROVEN FACT, out of the ABUNDANCE of the HEART the MOUTH SPEAKS!  LORD as the psalmist wrote in Psalm 45 , help my heart to be OVERFLOWING with a good theme!

The Mouth Speaks: Treasured Gifts

The Mouth Speaks: Treasured Gifts: "Christmas is about the ultimate GIFT from God, HIS precious son JESUS. During this time of year as we give and receive gifts from loved ..."

Treasured Gifts

Christmas is about the ultimate GIFT from God,

HIS precious son JESUS.

During this time of year as we give and receive gifts from loved ones, neighbors and friends, I find myself thinking about the gifts that God gives me each day and the ones He has given me over the years. MY FAMILY & FRIENDS are GIFTS! Gifts that I treasure and love. However, with the business of life, just like some of the things in my home that I love, I don't always find the time to enjoy them! I so want to find the time!

Some of the treasured things that I own spend most of their life in my basement. I only pull them once or twice a year to use during holidays. When they are out I reflect on how special they are and why. Maybe it is because they were given to me by someone very dear to me. Maybe it is because I received them during a very special time in my life... Whatever the reason is, the fact remains, even though I do not use these items regularly they are DEAR to me! That is how it is for all of the special people in my life. Even though I do not speak to or see them often they are dear to me!

May the Lord Bless THEM and keep THEM, and may HE bring THEM GREAT JOY and PEACE this holiday season and throughout the NEW YEAR!

The Mouth Speaks: PERFECT LOVE

The Mouth Speaks: PERFECT LOVE: "My heart is overwhelmed yet again at God's faithfulness! Yesterday was our 4th annual ONE DAY retreat. However, it was only the third time..."